I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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