I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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