a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
