Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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