You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
