I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
