i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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