remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
