Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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