I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
