I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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