even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
