Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
