my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
