it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
