tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
They have beer where we have blood.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
