shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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