when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
