if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
