When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
