they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
