So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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