K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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