why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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