He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
