i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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