Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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