My underwear smells like fireworks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize