On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
