New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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