Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
