I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize