Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
