Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
