i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
