how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
