Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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