I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
