I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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