did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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