You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
