OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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