I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
