Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
