I hate all girls vehemently.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize