somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
