so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
