I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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