i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
