I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
