I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
