Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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