He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
