you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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