just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize