i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
