Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I looked at my own cervix.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pants are for mortals
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
