We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So many bounce houses so little time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize