i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize