U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
