So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
