If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
