the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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