he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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