dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
