If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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