Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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