omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
