I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
