I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize