She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
