just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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