When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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