no, he came in my armpit
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
