walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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